Have you ever watched a small child at play? Completely absorbed in the moment and totally unselfconscious. Perfect authenticity. No facades. Simply being. It’s a great reminder of our inherent ability to live this way. So when did we lose that ability and how do we get back there?
From a very early age we are taught how NOT to be authentic. Parents give children signals as to what is ‘ok’ and ‘not-ok’, and children adopt strategies in order to get approval. For children, non-authentic behaviour has a short term gain. Over time however it becomes the norm, leading us further and further away from who we really are.
Alan’s insights:
You cannot give what you don´t have…“We generally give ourselves more of a hard time than we would ever dream of giving other people.”
“We are often taught to de-prioritise our own needs in favour of helping others to meet theirs. This is seriously flawed – working on yourself doesn’t mean you are self-obsessed or self-indulgent.”
“There is a lot of confusion regarding self-love – an incredible and worthy skill that takes practice. It’s often used as an excuse for self indulgence and self-deception (the extra slice of cheesecake/glass of wine). It takes awareness to be able to differentiate.”
Our relationships with others are a direct reflection of the one we have with ourselves. You can’t hope for intimacy with another person if you aren’t intimate with yourself. If you’re looking for authenticity you need to be authentic with yourself. If you want respect from others you need to be respectful with yourself. If you’d like to see through the facades of others you must get behind your own facade first
Breathwork is your ticket back to the remembrance of your authentic self, a journey which can open you further than you ever imagined possible. It allows you to lighten up, and realise that you are already ok as you are. The facade you’ve spent years constructing will simply fall away, allowing you to spend time with your true self, learning your needs and wants. You can disengage from the drama, find your centre, find joy inside yourself – and consciously create a life you are happy to be a part of.
Conscious Connected Breathing is the ultimate self-development tool. It’s with us always, free and easy to use and there are few limitations in terms of how it can be applied. It is infinite, as are we.
Alan’s insights
“We often follow the path of least resistance. Apathy and being in your comfort zone is really detrimental to travelling ‘onwards and upwards’, which is why so-called breakdowns often become breakthroughs. We’re ejected from our comfort zone into a new place where we are able to perceive our situation with greater clarity.”
“We often distract ourselves in order to avoid our issues. You name it: TV/alcohol/reading/helping others with their issues… the list is endless.”
“We continue to look to external factors for happiness, trying to change the world before we change ourselves. And a lot of us make our future happiness conditional on finding ‘The One’.”
How many of us have the career, home, possessions or partner we thought we always wanted, yet wake up every day with a persistent feeling that somehow, somewhere, we missed out on the main event? If that sounds familiar, it might be time for a rethink. There’s no need to beat yourself up about feeling ungrateful. The things you wanted at the start of your journey may bear no resemblance to your needs and wants now – but why should they? You are an entirely different person now from who you were then so it’s perfectly logical that your dreams and goals will change accordingly.
The trick is to keep tabs on who you are becoming and notice the changes as they take place, redesigning your life plan in line with your journey.
Working with your breath is a wonderful way of keeping in tune with the inner you. It’s also a great way of gaining clarity if and when you find yourself at the end of one chapter, preparing for the next one. It accelerates change and growth in a profound way – a kind of evolution fast-track. It can provide answers to the big questions and, perhaps best of all, it is truly self empowering. You can allow yourself to be flexible and mould your life around your inner changes rather than getting stuck in the proverbial rut. Once learnt, the technique is yours for life to use as you see fit throughout your journey.